


Come of age with a young nation

by Ashlin_M_Harsley



Series: And we make our mistakes [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Philip Hamilton, College, Coming of Age, Drama, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Heartbreak, Human disaster Philip Hamilton, Poetry, Post-Break Up, Pregnancy, Romance, Sad Theodosia Burr, Secret Relationship, Slam Poetry, Smart Theodosia Hamilton, Swearing, They grow up so quickly!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29290500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashlin_M_Harsley/pseuds/Ashlin_M_Harsley
Summary: The good thing about college is that the teens finally grow up, right? Not exactly. It's more the time of mistakes, from which you can learn.Part 2 of Let Us Blow Them All Away
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, George Washington de Lafayette/Frances Laurens, George Washington/Martha Washington, Susan Reynolds/Angelica Hamilton, Theodosia Burr Alston/Philip Hamilton
Series: And we make our mistakes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149044
Comments: 22
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I am happy ou found your way to this fanfiction. This story is the second part of a series, which you can read before but don't exactly have to. I think most things also make sense out of context.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, feel always free to leave comments or give tips to improve my writing.  
> Have fun y'all or- well, enjoy to read it

Chapter 1

_Funerals aren't for dead people._

_They're for the living._

_// Angie Thomas //_

A big hole was in the air where Philip once stood. 

They had spent nearly every day together for 8 months and this emptiness made Theodosia feel awful every day. She had not only tried to be with him, but filled the emptiness with it that her mother had left, that her father left whenever he went to New York. Now the solitude was heavier than ever before.

****

It got easier to ignore him, once he went off to college with George. Even though he had to take a break to recover he learned like an idiot to skip his grade, and at the end of the summer he packed his bags and went off to Jersey.

****

But so did Susan. She turned 18, packed her bags without graduating and left to search for her mother in New York, letting her father go apeshit crazy on his own. The only one left were Angie Hamilton, who is not a fan of Theodosia, and Frances. So everything went back to normal.

****

Hanging around with Frances every weekend, visiting her mothers grave and her father trying to find a balance between being a father and a politician. But she kept herself busy too. She was about to graduate and also got the internship at the White House, where she showed up every day after classes.

****

The place was draining and her main job was to follow Thomas Jefferson around with a clipboard, which seemed to suck the life even further out of her, but it also felt good to be there. And it looked good on her papers, especially when she applied to go to a College too.

****__  
  


The next time she saw Georgie was on December 20th. She didn’t plan on it. Actually, nobody did. It happened so fast.

****

He had a sore throat one day, and then went in his sleep without anybody noticing a thing, until his wife found him in the morning. Some sickness nobody saw coming. 

****

It was peaceful, the media says. No pain. A death everyone would wish for, but still everyone who knew him mourned.

****

Theodosia stood with her father in the graveyard in a black dress, watching all the politicians that came to the funeral. She had her arm hooked around her fathers and saw Alexander Hamilton talking to Martha Washington, head tilted down. All the males wore a tux, had their hair pulled tidy up and everyone tried to stay straight in the cold snow.

****

Georgie stood next to them, and the Marquis held an arm around both of them. Theodosia recognized the man immediately. She had never met the Marquis, but he looked a lot like George. Just with more beard and another skin tone, no glasses. He was obviously his father.

****

She had no time to talk with anyone, but her father went inside to look at the corpse, something Theodosia never understood. He did the same when her mother died. She thinks it's disrespectful, but a lot of people do that obviously.

****

The ceremony was a blur, that went on for hours. Everyone wanted to say something, honor George Washington for a last time, and several people cried their eyes out. 

****

Martha, obviously, Georgie and Mister Hamilton. Between the French boy the Secretary was an empty chair, which Theodosia looked at suspectious.

There was no trace of Philip, but she thought he would come. 

But maybe she was wrong. Maybe he also just played his love for Washington, like he did to her.

****

But it bothered her. More than it should’ve.

****

Washington got her a place at the internship at the White House. He was always polite to her, wasn’t that enough to visit the man's funeral at least?

****

Obviously not. And Theodosia started crying too. Because it was unfair. She didn't know him well, but well enough for it to hurt.

****

They carried his casket to a room at Mount Vernon. The mansion has an outside room, completely made of marble! They put the casket there, put a photo of him on top of it, with the American flag.

****

A line built, everyone shook Martha's hand, told her how sorry they were for her loss. Georgie stood next to her, his father had an arm around him, grounding. He wore a tux, but looked so washed out. He still cried, feeling so small and helpless under the gray sky, as snow fell onto them and made his hair and clothes damp.

****

He flinched when Theodosia stopped in front of him, after shaking Martha’s hand.

“Hello George- how are you?” She asked softly. George only shook his head, tried to stop the tears from rolling, unsuccessful. “Not very good Mademoiselle Theodosia.”

****

She let her shoulder sink down at his broken, tired voice. “I am sorry for your loss. I know how much he meant to you.”

“Oui. It’s just a lot. He was always so healthy and nobody thought he-” George was cut off by a sob leaving his mouth. He tried to get his voice back, but it was one of those moments words can’t reach.

****

Theodosia stepped forward to hug him, which was being watched by Marquis, who is tall and has long limbs, but had the same look of sorrow on his face.

When George calmed down they just stood there, silently.

****

They looked at Angie, who shook Martha’s and the Marquis’s hand, mumbling an apology. Theodosia hesitated, before looking at George again.

****

“Shouldn’t Philip be here with you?” She asked softly. George only shook his head, the curly hair wiping a bit. He was the only one that wore his hair in a half ponytail. 

****

“Non, he is not doing well at all.”

Theodosia blinked surprised. He was sick? Really? George looked down. “What has he? The flu?”

“Non, some kind of breakdown. He can’t remember, but he- ah, not important.” He cut himself off, not sure how much he should tell her.

****

Theodosia only nodded slowly, curious but she told herself she shouldn’t be. Philip didn’t care about her and she should stop thinking about him! And if he was really so sick that he couldn’t attend a funeral, that’s his own damn business.

****

“Goodbye Georgie.”

“Goodbye, Theodosia.” Georgie mumbled and Theodosia walked back to her father, feeling worse then before the funeral, but now with no tears left to shed.

****

She put the bouquet of lilies onto the grave, which was overflowing with cards and letters and flowers. She swallowed and looked at the marble stone, the white that the whole grave was made off.

****

And just like this, even the most impressive people of history become history itself. Just atoms and dust in the hands of time. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Burr voice* You simply must meet Peter- 
> 
> Thanks for the review :D I am happy to post the new chapter now and look forward to critics or comments

Chapter 2

_I don't pay attention to the world ending._

_It has ended for me many times and began again in the morning._

George sits annoyed on a couch and stares into his empty glass. Philip decided in the early afternoon that he has to loosen up and they will not spend Halloween in their dorm watching trashy films.Which would be okay, but now Philip is off to flirt with some girl and has abandoned him on the couch of some stranger, who is probably friends with Philip. And he is uncomfortable. He should go. Really. 

George was first worried that Philip might stop going out,after he broke up with Theodosia and got back onto his feet, but somehow the opposite happened. He is out all the time, and even more with complete strangers in his bed. When George asked him why, he only responded that he enjoys life, being able to walk again without pain and staying “young and free.” 

Not that it bothers George that he isn’t totally depressed anymore, but he really wants to sleep in his dorm once again and have their childish late night-talks back. Which is hard, when Philip is sleeping somewhere else every day, or learns the whole night long to get ahead of his classes.

"Oh! It's George! Let's say hi!" A voice screeches excited. George turns around and looks at the two girls. His eyes light up at the sight of them. "Frances! Theodosia!" He says happily and gets up to hug them.

He grins wide, tries to wipe some green make up from his face that Susan made him earlier. He is dressed as a zombie. "How are you doing?" He asks excitedly. They haven’t talked in a long time, and he really missed them.

"Great! I haven't seen you in like, forever!" Frances giggles drunkenly while Theodosia returns the hug tightly, "It's good to see you." She says meekly. George smiles sympathetically as always.

“Are you alone here?” Frances asks, tries to sound flirting but it comes out slurred and drunk. George raises amused his brow. “Non, Pip is somewhere around here. And Susan wanted to come later too, after bringing Angelica to the airport.”

Philip doesn't even recognize them and continues flirting, before coming back with two beers in hand. He hands George one and wraps an arm around his shoulder tightly.

"Hey Frenchfryyy...." he says drunk and laughs, has to close his bright eyes because the world is turning around.

He is dressed as a pirate, which just looks strange with the unbottened shirt and the tattoos on his arms and chest. He somewhere lost the hat in the last hour. Theodosia freezes and looks at Frances, tucks on her sleeve. “Let’s go- come on.” 

Philip giggles light headed and George takes the bottle, giving Theodosia an apologetic look. "You wanna go? The party isn't quite over." Philip says and Frances glares at him.

"It was when I saw you, asshole." She says. Philip narrows his eyes at her, finally a look of recognition putting shadows onto his face. He glances over at Theodosia, just to avoid her afterwards.

"Frances!" Theodosia scolds. She really doesn't want any drama, and doesn't want to talk to him again. Frances shakes her head, in an angry drunken haze, "No, he needs to hear this! You have some nerve, Philip Hamilton!" 

  
  


Theo tries to hold her back, not wanting her to cause a scene. 

Philip raises his brows. "Wow, look Georgie. Hanging around us and she already learned how to build whole sentences." Philip sneers and steps forward to her. "Why don't you go to your school-friends and leave us alone hu? Hush hush." He says, as if speaking to a little child. 

Philip is a mean drunk.

George glares unsure at him. "Let it be, mon amie..." he mutters

But Frances slaps him. Not a nice slap. His head rocks surprised to the side and people start to watch them. "Don't you speak to me like that, womanizing wrench!" Frances snaps. Theodosia manages to tug her back before she does any more damage, hissing angry. “Let it be!”

Philip rubs his cheek a bit, a look of utter disgust on his face as a red print appears on his skin. 

"Oh, and you think you can insult me? How old are you hu, 7? Pretty sure your guys think you are when they-" Philip is cut off when Frances slaps him again, but he catches the hand in the air this time.

"You both are drunk." Theodosia points angry out, "Come on, let's just go back, he’s not worth it."

But Philip keeps arguing, in a drunk state of anger and hatred. "Better then some cunt who thinks she knows anything about me!" Philip says and the music is turned lighter, so their words echo through the room. Some students giggle amused at the entertainment, others give them looks full of pity. 

"I know you're a manwhore who-" Frances turns to attack Philip but Theodosia quickly stucks herself in between them, "Frances! Enough! You can do that when you're both sober! You're making a scene!" She says bitterly.

"Better than a prude! Its none of your buisness, so whats the fucking matter with you hu? Jealous you don't get fucked?" He asks, and with that the niveau is totally down. 

It surprises George once again how much of an asshole Philip becomes when he drank alcohol.

George has to pull him back, to stop him from attacking Frances

"You hurt my best friend!" She slurs her words, "You have no heart! I'm done here, go get your dick wet, asshole!" She spits at his feet from Theodosia's shoulder, who is slowly backing her up.

"If you want to be angry at someone, why don't run to daddy hu?" Philip sneers and George finally pulls him away onto the couch. He rolls his eyes. "Idiot.."

"God Frankie, I'm taking you home." Theodosia mumbles at the squirming girl

It’s freezing when Theodosia drags her friend outside to the street. The fazit is that this evening was awful. Why is it so easy for Philip to move on, while she still thinks about him? It’s not fair! He played her and she still wants to believe he didn’t!

"What was that for?" Theodosia looks at Frances furious, "We should have just left when he showed up!" 

Frances sways a bit, supported by Theo, "You're -hic- welcome." She says, strokes hair from her face. "He deserves it, breaking your heart like that.”

Theodosia huffs in disbelief. Is she the only mature person here? 

A dark skinned boy comes outside as well and goes towards them with smooth steps. Frances raises her brows, when he stops in front of them. 

"Hey." He says simply. "It was really cool what you did in there. Hamiltons an idiot." He says and Frances grins satisfied.

"Yeah well. It was actually Theos' plan here." She says and gives her a shift forward towards the guy. She stumbles and crashes against his chest.

Theodosia blushes deeply and takes a step back again, looks embarrassed down. 

"Oh, uhm, I didn't want for her to get violent." She says, averting his gaze, "But we were just leaving, I didn't mean to cause a commotion." She adds, stepping away to nudge Frances forward. 

"It was still pretty brave. You want to hang out? We can go to my place, the party is now ruined anyway." He says and Frances grins, glancing over at Theodosia with a wicked smirk. She is wide above the point of getting her pleading look. "I gotta go. But you can go, if you want Dosia."

And before Theodosia can say anything she is away. How is she that fast in such a wasted state?

"Uhm... what's your name, first?" She gives the man a small smile. She knew Frances was right, Philip was clearly moving on, so she needed to as well. 

"Peeter." He says and holds his hand out with a grin. "I study business. What about you?" He asks .

"Theodosia. Political Science." Theodosia takes his hand to shake it unsure. Peter turns around to start walking, without letting go of her hand again, and Theodosia follows suit. He walks slowly, has smooth skin. Philip always nearly runs with his long legs.

"It's my first year here."

"Oh really? How do you know the Hamilton boy then?" He asks interested and squeezes her hand softly.

"He's my ex, back in high school. " Theodosia admits, a bit sadly, and smiles at his soft grip. It feels nice. Frances is probably right. She has to let herself go a bit. 

"Oh, you don't look like his regular girlfriends." He says as they walk and then shrugs. "I mean, not that he has a type anyway. He's just an annoying jock. Hamilton's smartass firstborn." He explains.

"I don't?" Theodosia frowns at herself, a bit confused. Then she remembered how he was back in high school, "Oh, tall blonde and skinny, right?" She asks, and tries not to sound so bitter. She wants to defend him since she knows he hates just being known as 'Hamilton's smartass firstborn', but she manages a sour smile. He isn’t wrong after all. He is a smartass, and a Hamilton.

"Exactly. Or ripped white and brunette. I really don't get why people like him this much. He looks nice, that's it." He explains with a shrug and stops at his dorm. He unlocks the door, while Theodosia looks baffled at him.

“You mean he-”

“Yeah, he’s a fag.” Peter says as he steps inside. Theodosia takes a deep breath. Okay, well that’s fine because it’s none of her business! Philip can do whatever he wants and with whoever he wants.

_ Come on Burr, you got this _ , she tells herself and steps over the threshold. 

“He was really only with girls, and only for a few days or weeks." Theodosia says, looking down at her feet as her cheeks burned with shame. She feels worse thinking of herself as just part of the group of people Philip Hamilton has been with, "We broke up just before he went to college, though."

He sits down on his bed and kicks the shoes off. “Well, your friend really kicked his booty, what?”

"Yeah, it's because he broke it off with me before he left. We were together for months." She feels a pain in her heart just recalling it, "I had a hard time...getting over it, you know? It was my first breakup." Theodosia says with a small smile as to not kill the mood.

"Oh... this is shitty. So it was serious hu?" He asks and pats on the bed next to him, for her to sit down. He can not really believe that this guy did not change his girlfriend for a few weeks. "Its really a stupid move, giving a girl hopes and crushing it then." Peeter says and gives her a long look.

“But you know, the best way to move on is to find someone better.” He says and Theodosia glances down at his hand, that lands on her tight and rubs small circles there.

She thinks again of Philip, of his sweet kisses and dorky laugh. But she reminds herself that this wasn’t true. It was an act, he never loved her. That’s exactly what he said.

So she lets her hand sink down onto his and moves it higher.

“Yeah? Well, you definitely are.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my people!   
> I was happy to read your comments and obviously it was clear that Peter is kind of an ass? I am happy this came through. In case it didn't, here is another chapter of human disasters and teenagers doing stupid shit.
> 
> Sincerly, written by a teenager.

Chapter 3

_Failure is a feeling long before it becomes an actual result._

_// Michelle Obama //_

The best thing about the Flat Theodosia shares with Frances is, that Starbucks is right on the street corner. Earlier she had to go 3 blogs until she could order a decent coffee, but now she can just sit here whenever she wants and head off to class directly afterwards.

“Was he at least nice? Girl, I hardly remember anything,” Frances sas. She has the hands wrapped around the hot mug of black coffee. Who even goes into a starbucks to get black coffee, Theodosia wonders.

She shrugs. “I mean, he wasn’t unfair or anything just- it was different. I have only kissed three people in my life and-” Theodosia cuts herself off and stares into the coffee.

Frances has a hangover, Theodosia is simply sore. Her limbs hurt and she is tired, after having only a couple hours of sleep.

“I gave him my V-card.” Theodosia looks into her hot chocolate and swirls the spoon around. Frances raises a brow, not judging or anything. Just surprised.

“And how was it? Do you think it will become something serious between you?” Frances asks discreetly. She really wants for her to move on. No boy deserves Theodosias heartbreak, especially not this asshole that just lied to her for months.

“It- kind of hurt. But it wasn’t  _ bad _ , you know?” Theodosia tries to explain, but then just leans her forehead against the table. “I don’t know. He is nice. Should I ask him for a date?”

Frances nods. “Sure. He is good looking. In the worst case, I think Georgie is single.” She wiggles her brows, but Theodosia just gives her an annoyed glance.

“Taking about him… we go and visit him later. He invited us to his dorm. Pizza and films.” It isn’t a question. When Frances says it like this there is no room to argue. “Will Philip be there?”

“No, George promised to get rid of him for tonight.” Frances says and sucks on the straw of her coffee. Who drinks black coffee, in a starbucks, with a straw?

“Is good and-”

“Wait, you used protection right?” Frances interrupts abruptly. Theodosia blinks surprised at her. “What?”

“You and this guy from the party- you know this guy you went with yesterday uhm-”

Peter.” Theodosia says and Frances nods, sets her mug down and straightens up. “Yeah right, Peter. You used protection?”

Theodosia only stares at her best friend. She has no idea. “I mean- I think he did?” She says, but then hesitates. He did, or not? She isn’t on the pill or anything, she never thought that's necessary since she doesn’t have bad period cramps or pimples and Philip was her first boyfriend.

“He wouldn’t be stupid enough to take for granded that I’m on the pill, right?” Theodosia adds. Frances still only processes what Theo tries to tell her. She squeezes her eyes shut. “Lord gimme strength- I appreciate your trust in men, but I would ask him.”

Theodosia hesitates, some kind of dread grabbing her by the throat. “You think- Oh God-”

She turns around on her heels to march out and search for Peter, her head spinning. Oh God.

She is a freshman! She can't just get pregnant! And she was kind of tipsy yesterday too. Not as bad as Frances of course, but she was still wasted. How could she do this?

She makes her way fast back to Peters dorm, walks along the old corridors on the search for Peters dorm. 

She finds it and knocks against the door. She hears footsteps and voices from inside, when Peter opens the door and looks at her. He furrows his brows in surprise. "Theodosia!" He says and closes the door behind him.

"Heyy- what are you doing here?" He asks, looks stressed at Theodosia. He has the arms behind his back and holds the door closed with them.

“Hey uhm- I just wanted to ask if you maybe- like, do you want to go drink a coffee?” Theodosia asks first, because the situation would be worse if she just blurted out why she came here. Peter raises a brow and a muffled voice calls from inside his dorm.

“Yeah sure. But it’s- really bad right now. I have a guest, so would you mind and come back somewhen else?” He asks, obviously trying to get rid of her. 

She shifts uncomfortably, feeling a little hurt. "I guess. Uhm, another thing. Last night, did you use any protection?" Theodosia asks, in embarrassment.

He makes wide eyes at her when someone tries to open the door. He pulls it closed. "No? What for? I thought you take the pill?" He says and the person pulls more on the door. There's a voice from inside.

"Darling? What is happening?" Peter groans. "I have to go now." He answers before slipping into the room again

Theodosia's stomach drops as the voice and at his answer, "What are-" she begins, but he's gone. Her stomach feels like it's ice as she turns away at the revelations.

What she gathered was: Peter did not use any protection, Frances will kill her if she finds out, and she is a homewrecker.

How could she fall for that, without noticing he is cheating, with her?

She is tearing up as she steps outside into the november sun again, shivering from the cold. She sinks down on the stairs and buries the face in her hands. “Fuck fuck fuck!” She cries out and wraps the arms around herself.

How could she be so stupid? He isn’t any better than Philip! Why is she always taken advantage of?

Theodosia is somehow clear enough in her head to get her phone out and text Frances.

_ He didn’t use protection. _

_ What am I supposed to do know? _

_ Frances: Go 2 the pharmacy and get the  _

_ morning-afterwards pill. _

_ Want me to pick u up? _

Theodosia stares at the blurry screen. Instead of answering she puts the phone away and fights herself onto her legs and follow Frances advice. She just wants to go home and die, but there she has to face Frances and her endless questions. And then her friend will probably try to kick Peters booty and she has no nerves to deal with this right now.

The visit at the pharmacy isn’t better either. The old woman hands her without a question the pill and then explains what’s going to happen. Hormon bombs, she will feel sick and mood for at least a week. No matter if she would’ve gotten pregnant by Peter.

The day is the worst.

And she takes the pill, still half crying and feeling like trash.

She thinks back and comes to the only true conclusion: there are only two men that never used her. First is her father. She stays in the cold for a moment, hesitating, but it’s the truth. And she trusts him and the loneliness feels awful. She just needs this pain to go away!

Theodosia takes a deep breath and marches to the dorms again, ignoring her buzzing phone from Frances calls. Instead she fights up the stairs and knocks hard against the number 22. She hears feet come near her.

Georgie opens the door. “Theodosia! How nice to see you. I thought you’d come later-” He is cut off, because Theodosia steps inside, hands balled into fists. She grabs his shoulders and before he can pull back, she stumbles forward and presses their lips hungry together.

George yelps surprised, stumbles backwards and crashes against the wall. Theodosia doesn’t care that the door is wide open, because he tastes like summer. Fruity and warm, his stubble softly tickling on her face.

George makes wide eyes, but doesn't pull away. He can't even say anything and feels how his knees get weak. He closes his eyes finally and kisses shy back.She deepens it hungrily, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him closer. 

Theodosia knows she really shouldn't be kissing him in such a public area, but she's too hurt. She needs someone to love her, because she feels so cheap right now. Used and awful, but she trusts George. He is right now the only one she trusts with anything, and his body is warm on hers.

Theodosia pulls back and looks at him.

“Theodosia, what the-” Theodosia presses a finger against his lips to hush him. 

“I attract the worst people- but not you. Just-” She sniffles, feels that her face is still wet and Georgies brown eyes lay on her. He was short but fine lashes, a glance of gold lays in his brown eyes. 

“Take this hurt away. Please-” Theodosia says and already presses their mouths together again.

George doesn’t kiss back this time, but presses her softly away by the shoulders. “Theodosia Burr, you are not attracting the worst people. Merde- What happened?”

Theodosia blinks at him, then shakes her head. “Then it’s me. I’m the reason nobody wants to keep me. There has to be something wrong with me- am I not pretty enough?”

George shakes his head baffled. "Theodosia! You are very pretty and nothing is wrong with you.” 

He hesitates for a moment, before speaking up again. He stands still with his back against the wall and Theodosias body pressed against his. His face is hot and red, head spinning. 

“There are guys that want to keep you. I would. But I can't. Really not. Philip would've. Someone will come around and give you what you deserve."

She sobs, looking into his eyes, "Why can't you have me?" Theodosia whimpers softly, 

"You're the only one I trust... that won't hurt me." She takes his hands into hers, looking at him with pleading eyes.

He shakes his head. "I am sorry. But you know that I am not the one you really want. That is someone else." He says gentle and looks down. He feels really bad for bringing Philip into this. But he is sure that they are made for each other. He never saw Philip so happy again, or so in love.

She swallows, "No. No, I can't." Theodosia's eyes get misty, "I want to forget about him, like he forgot about me. He broke my heart." She cups his face, and she feels sick to her stomach, "Please, help me forget." She pleads, gently bringing her face to his again.

"He did not forget about you!" George protests, but is silenced by her lips on his again. He doesn't try to pull away, can't make himself be that cruel. But then the moment is over.

“Uhm- I leave you alone then I guess?” Philip stands in the bathroom door, looks at them with an expression neither can read. He slowly takes his coat and whistles.

Alex stands next to him instantly, leash in his mouth.

Theodosia stares at him.

“Philip-” George says but Philip just shakes his head. “No, it’s alright. Have fun.” He says, tries to sound unaffected by it. George finally wiggles out of Theodosias death grip and walks towards him.

“Philip listen-”

“I said it’s fine. I mean if you two- are a couple now enjoy it. Congratulations and all.” Philip says and then walks straight out of the dorm.

The door falls shut and Theodosia feels even worse.

What is she even doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michelle Obama: https://www.instagram.com/michelleobama/?hl=de


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can thank Beyonce for this chapter coming already. I can't sleep, because "All the single ladies" is stuck in my head, so I decided to write.
> 
> Anyway: thanks for the nice reviews to the last chapter :) it keeps me really motivated to continue writing on this.

Chapter 4

_I just...I just miss him. And I hate being so alone_

_// Suzanne Collins //_

George puts the phone onto his bed and falls into the chair. He folds the arms on his tummy and looks long at Theodosia. She feels small under his honey eyes, the light reflecting on his glasses. He sighs loudly.

“I told Frances to stay home- What happened?” He finally breaks the silence. Theodosia sits on the bed, her tights pressed together and the same sinking feeling in her stomach she had since leaving Frances alone at Starbucks.

“I’m a homewrecker. I went home with a guy yesterday and he has a girlfriend! I just found out-” Theodosia babbles out, the words gush out of her mouth like a waterfall. George raises one of his brows.

“Dosia- it’s surely not your fault that someone cheats.” George assures her. His face softens again, but he still tries to keep a physical distance between them. The last thing he needs is to fall in love with her again. Maybe Philip would say it’s fine, but he wouldn’t mean it. 

He wouldn’t be fine, but lying. George knows Phillip like his own mind. They have a bond that goes so deep, Philip would silently resign if George asked him to. He knows that he would, but that’s exactly why he can’t do it.

It’s a peace of trust and kindness, he passes to his friend.

“But- why do I always end up with guys like this? Why am I attracting the worst kind of guys that only use me?” Theodosia asks with watery eyes.

George has to close his eyes to take a deep breath. He just wants to tell her what happened, but he swore Philip not to do it. He already betrayed him once, and he can’t do it a second time.

“You don’t. He didn’t use you-”

“Yes he did! He never loved me, that’s what he said!” Theodosia already protests and hugs herself. She shakes her head. “You are lying.”

George gets up and walks over to her. He decides for a hug and rests his chin on her curly hair, rubs his hand calming over her back.

“Ne me fais pas faire ça." He mumbles and she presses her face against his warm chest, George being an anchor in the storm surge of her tears. “I do not lie. He did love you Theodosia, a lot.” 

He makes a pained face, not able to say more. Everything else would be a break of his promise. “You have to talk with him Dosia- I beg you.”

Theodosia shakes her head and George lets go of their hug, looks unsure to the side. “No. I can’t. Why would he lie to me?” She asks, mistrust on her face.

George shakes his head. “Non, I promised Philip not to tell anyone- I can’t let him down again.”

“What are you talking about? Please tell me George- you are the only one I trust!” Theodosia pleads, but George shakes stubborn his head again, tries not to crumble by her begging eyes.

“I can’t, I really can’t. But you have to talk with him!” George protests. Now Theodosia is the one shaking her head. “No. I don’t trust him. He is a liar and broke my heart!”

George groans loudly and gets up again. He walks to the window to look outside, turns his back to Theodosia and presses his lips pained together.

“Je t’en supplie, he is- he isn’t the same anymore.” He mumbles, a voice so small that it makes something in Theodosias chest crumble.

“He says he is fine, but he isn't. And I am worried about him, but he won’t talk to me about it.” He continues. He feels vulnerable, Theodosia being the first one he tells it. But it’s only the truth.

“He isn’t sleeping anymore and he only fucks around, or drinks alcohol all the time. He just stopped caring and- I am scared he might do something to himself.” He admits softly.

Theodosia stares at his back, the white button-up he wears and the slim shoulders underneath. The words hang in the air, heavy.

“No. That’s not because of me. I don’t mean that much to him-”

“Maybe you’re not the only reason, but he misses you. I know he does, please just speak with him- I don’t know what else to do.”

Theodosia folds her arms unsure, looks away. “That’s not a good idea- why would he say this stuff if he didn’t mean it? He can’t just say stuff like that and then play sad because he’s single!” Theodosia says loudly, but there isn’t any bite in her words anymore.

George looks at her. “I want to know why he did it!” Theodosia demands.

“I promised him not to-”

“I don’t care. I will not talk with him if you don’t tell me.” Theodosia stays stubborn and George huffs lightly. He strokes one of his curls back, he bleached some of them and pulls them back into his ponytail.

“Your father.” He finally brings out, already feeling guilty of breaking Philips' trust. He will kill him if he finds out. 

Theodosia narrows her eyes in confusion. “What?”

“Monsieur Burr visited us, when Philip was in the hospital. He was- he said that if he doesn't break up with you he’ll make sure you don’t see each other anymore.”

George looks at his blue Vans and scratches his head awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable.

Theodosia shakes her head in disbelief. “No he- my father wouldn’t- he didn’t!” Theodosia jumps up and wipes her wet face, the sorrow turning into anger.

“How could he do that to me?!" She calls out and George looks guilty, fiddles nervous with his hands. Theodosia stares at him, nlt giving an answer.

She feels bitter. "Now I am feeling even worse! Why didn't he talk with me? We could've found a way!" She says frustrated and sinks next to George onto the bed.

“Well- he was really convincing. I just, really shouldn’t be the one telling you this all Dosia-” George says and looks at his hands. Theodosia stays silent and sighs loudly.

“Okay- I talk with him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody!  
> Thanks for the comments you left. I can assure you that I am only writing this much because I don't have books left to read in the lockdown I'm currently in. Which means I have more time to write. But thanks for your worries :D
> 
> Enjoy the chapter everyone

Chapter 5

_Somewhere along the way the hopes of something better had become the dread of something worse_

_// David Drowning //_

Theodosia stands nervous in front of the classroom, taps her foot. The hallway is empty and the doors are too thick to hear what is going on behind. With every second she turns more nervous.

George gave Theodosia Philips a schedule a few hours ago, and this is his last class for today. History of linguistics. Whatever that is, Theodosia thinks to herself. She kept thinking how this would go. Theodosia was sure that whatever he felt for her once is gone at this point. They haven't talked in so long.

She jerks when the door opens and students stream into the hall. Theodosia looks surprised at them all. She can hardly make out any faces, but then she finally sees Philip.

She makes two big steps towards him and grabs for his arm. Philip turns his head and stops in the way. The guy behind him trips and both boys land on the floor. They groan and Theodosia yelps, takes a step back. She blinks shocked.

“Ugh- I don’t mind you lying on me, but not hear.” Philip snaps from the floor. The guy laughs dry and gets up. Philip rubs his head and looks at Theodosia, surprised now.

“Oh, hey.” He says and gets slowly onto his feet himself. His curly hair is wild and felted, his bright eyes shadowed by dark eye bags. Theodosia recognizes that his cheeks are sharp and lightly sunken. He has less freckles, even his taint is gone. He looks pale.

Theodosia grabs him by the arm again. “Can we talk?” She asks.

Philip raises his brows and picks on the sleeves of his woolen jacket, he wears above a Nirvana Shirt. He looks scrappy, but not in a bad way. He still manages to look ambitious and quick in the leather jacket and ripped jeans.

“About yesterday? Because if it is about this, I meant it. If you and Lafayette are a thing now that’s totally fine with-”

“No, we’re not. That was- well, the heat of the moment I think.” She hooks her arm around his, so he can’t manage to run away. Philip furrows his brows.

“Well, I just say that if something happens between you- that’s okay. I mean, he likes you and all.” Philip deadpans. Theodosia shakes her head, leads him towards the door. “No, we’re friends. Nothing more.”

Philip tries to stay a few feet away from her, which is hard because their arms are tangled together.

“What do you want to talk about then?” He asks suspiciously. He is unsure. Hopefully it isn’t about his argument with Frances, because he can hardly remember anything from it. He doesn't want to either. He probably was an asshole about it.

“Let’s talk inside?” Theodosia suggests and Philip shruggs softly. He doesn’t say anything, which is strange enough. He always says something, or always has something to say. But he is on edge and not in the mood. Whenever someone says “we have to talk,” it doesn’t mean anything good.

So they walk in silence to his dorm, which is empty. George went to buy groceries and took Alexander Washington with him. Philip huffs. Traitor.

“Okay. Sit down, you want to drink anything? We have… beer and water.” Philip says, with a look into the fridge. He makes a grimace and Theodosia sits down on the desk, which is covered in schoolpapers. An ashtray stands next to some books. There isn’t even an apple left, Philip thinks and shuts the door of the fridge closed again.

“No, I just want to talk- I- Philip I know why you broke up with me.”

Philip clenches his jaw, so hard he thinks his teeth might break. He huffs audible. "Yeah, because I told you when I broke up with you." He says sour. He huffs lightly. "Is that it?" He snaps, his face hot with anger and pain. Theodosia looks calm at him, before her eyes trace downwards at the hands folded on the table.

"No, the real reason." She says softly and presses her lips together, "Why didn't you tell me what my dad said to you?"

Philip only stares at her, the air knocked out of his ribcage. He feels like drowning, now more than ever. He narrows his eyes. "Because either you wouldn't have believed me, or he would have really done that. And I surely don't destroy your life like this! Do you think I wanted to do this?" He says and yelps for air. He leans against the wall and sees dark dots everywhere. Helplessly he presses his fists against his chest. 

"So you let me believe you fell out of love with me? To break my heart?" Theodosia holds herself back, "Philip, I could have helped you! We could have-" she stops as he gasps for air. She steps in front of him, taking both hands now, 

"Hey, Philip, stay with me, come on, it's Theodosia." She says in panic, reaching over to caress his jaw, in hopes to calm him down.

"We could've done nothing! That's exactly why I didn't tell you. What if he had moved and you hadn’t even Frances? I am like a damn timebomb!" He yells outraged and feels a broken sob come out of his mouth. 

He hadn't cried much in the last year. He just had this numb feeling all the time. There weren’t even tears when Washington died, no tears when Alexander and he argued for weeks about his studies. But now the dam breaks and tears rush down his pale face. 

"I thought you would move on and just forget me." He whispers.

Theodosia needs another moment to get that he isn’t crying, but has a full breakdown- something she normally never has to deal with.

"Philip, I would suffer anything with you. We would have found a way!” She says. Theodosia sees the tears and gently wipes them with her thumb,

"I wanted to move on. I thought you had, I thought you used me." She embraces him tightly, burying her face into his chest. Philip can’t even make himself move his arms. It’s like a nightmare. As if she will be gone in the next moment.

"I don't want you to be hurt like this too. And he was right, I hurt you all the time. I'm an awful person." He brings sobbing out and babbles apologies. "I'm so sorry Dosia... I am sorry that I did this to you..."

Theodosia strokes his back with her hands, hoping to soothe him, 

"Shh... you hurt me when you don't let me know what's going on... don't hide things from me, Philip." She says softly, 

"It's alright...no apologies... it's okay.. I love you still..." she says the last party almost too quietly.

Philip buries his face in her curls, breathes in the scent of her coconut shampoo. "I love you too." He murmurs, holding onto Theodosia like she's his anchor. He just lets slowly go and softens into the hug. 

"Can you... do you forgive me?" He asks with a small and cracked voice. He feels still awful and totally exhausted, but his body stops trembling.

Theodosia slowly leans back and cups his face with a hand. She nods. “No more lies- okay?”

“O- okay.” Philip breathes out and there are red stains all over his face. Theodosia leans in to softly peck his lips, chaste and gentle. It's overwhelming and her heart thumps, but it feels strangely because Philip isn’t breathing. He holds his breath and pulls Theodosia hungry closer. He keeps his hands on her back and kisses back. He feels like this is a dream and when he doesn't hold her tight she might disappear. He still shakes but the tears finally stop rolling.

She pulls away after a couple of seconds, feeling his tears still roll down his face. Theodosia softly wipes them away, "Stop crying, love." Her own eyes water, "You're going to make me cry." She smiles through it. He hiccups. 

"So-sorry." He says and feels his face blush even more. It is already red from crying. He closes his eyes and sighs softly as her hands cup his face. "I love you... so so much." He murmurs.

Theodosia smiles softly, "I love you too." She wants to kiss him again but her tears blur her eyes and she just presses a clumsy kiss to his chin on her tiptoes. She giggles, almost sadly, "I missed you."

He sniffs again. "I missed you too." He brings out and holds her head onto his chest, stroking her hair and her neck a bit. "I didn’t want to make you cry..."

Theodosia sniffles, laughing in a pained way, "You would have made me cry regardless." She loops her arms around his torso, and her tears leak onto his clothes but she doesn't care, "I'm so sorry that you went through all of that... you should have told me."

"I know..." he murmurs weakly and hides his face on her neck.

"I wanted to protect you... I thought I did the right thing." He says and his face flushes embarrassed. Theodosia gently guides her face so he looks her in the eye,

"But you didn't have to go through that, we could have done it together." She reaffirms, and gently rubs her thumb over his jawline, her brows furrowing, 

"I talked with George, did- Did you really... not want to live?" Theodosia asks in a small voice, nearly too afraid to ask. Philip closes his eyes, overwhelmed by the bright light that hurts in his eyes and the tricky question about himself. Hard to say.

“No- I mean, yes- I don’t know. I don’t want to live and not to die either.” He murmurs and hopes it doesn’t sound as stupid as he thinks it does.

Theodosia squeezes his hand softly, not knowing what to answer to that. She hoped George might’ve been dramatic.

“It’s going to be okay- I promise.” Theodosia whispers. It has to be, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ink.dreamers/


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo- I had some writing block, but slept the whole day (had a migraine) and now I can't sleep but use the time to write.  
> The quote is from a rapper this time, whoms songs I love absolutely, even tho he sings in German. Check the guy out, he is really cool and makes great music.
> 
> And leave reviews or comments! I'm alwas thankful for those, my dudes.  
> Have a great week :D

Chapter 6

The life costs, in the end, everyone their life.

// Prinz Pi //

When Theodosia wakes up her eyes feel sticky. Warm light falls right into her face, as she is tangled into Philips blanket. It smells like him, but the warm body that slept next to her is gone.

She yawns and blinks over at George, who sits with a book on his bed and studies. Theodosia slowly leans onto her elbows. “Where is Pip?”

“Good morning you too.” George deadpans and closes his eyes. He smiles over at Theodosia and takes his glasses again. “He is jogging with Alex. When he’s back we can have breakfast.” He adds.

Theodosia blushes lightly. “Yeah- good morning.” She mumbles embarrassed and sits up. She somehow assumed Philip would sleep longer. He fell into bed and slept like a rock, his arms slung around Theodosias waist. She couldn’t do much more than stay in bed with him until she fell asleep as well.

  
  


“What do you read?” She asks and kicks the blanket from her legs. She still wears her jeans, has a bedhead. All her curls are frizzy and stand into all directions.

“It’s for my studies. Modern art and its influence.” He says, but sounds bored. Theodosia raises a brow and recognizes that she never asked what he is even studying. George seems to read the question from her face.

“I study to become an art and drama teacher.” He explains with a proud smile. 

Now Theodosia laughs. “What? Don’t you have enough drama in your life, with Susan and Pip?” She asks and the French laughs. “Oui, but this isn’t half as entertaining to watch them destroy their lives.” He points out.

Theo giggles, when the door is unlocked and Philip comes inside. Blonde curls stick sweaty to his flushed face and Alexander Washington is falling tired onto his pillow. Philip throws a bag of bread at George, who catches it out of the air. Philip whistles.

“Oh, the traitor is awake too,” he says and walks over to kiss Theodosia onto the lips, one arm wrapped tightly around her waist. Theodosia whines softly. It feels nice, but he tastes like salt and smells bad. Also, she has a bedhead.

"Sorry," he grins sheepish and drags a hand through his lion mawn. George huffs, pouts at Philips comment.

“I was worried. And it obviously worked, since you two are sucking face in front of me. Come on Pip, say merci.” George says and grins.

Philip sticks his tongue out and Theodosia giggles at their childish behavior. It’s good to see that not everything changed in the last year. “ You should really thank him." Theodosia says, and tries to wriggle away in a huff, "Because I will, if you don't." She says, "Thank you, Georgie, on behalf of Philip." She nods in his direction.

Philip presses his lips together and George gives him a long look. He finally groans. "Merci, putain de bâtard!" He says and George giggles. "No problem. Ain't I'm a good friend?" He asks as Philip shifts closer to Theodosia again to snuggle onto her. Theodosia groans playful. “You are sweaty!”

"I take a quick shower." He says and disappears quick in the bathroom.

Theodosia watches him with soft eyes, as he closes the door behind him.

Georgie has packed out the bread and traces a cross onto the bottom of it, with the blade of the big knife. He sets it down and cuts it into slices afterwards.

"I think your phone rings, Theo," George says and goes to make the table ready.

"Hu?" Theodosia looks confused over to the bed. Her mobile and jacket lay there.

She laid down with Philip in the evening, and he dozed off pretty fast, all curled up with his head in Theodosias lap. She didn't dare to move and fell asleep after a while too. Still in jeans and shirt.

She grabs the phone and looks at the contact of her father.

He is the last person she wants to see right now. But she can't make herself just ignore him either. With a sigh she takes the call.

"Good morning, papa." She says as bright as she can manage.

Aaron taps his fingers on the table. "Theodosia?" He asks, not sounding exactly happy. He shifts uncomfortably in his chair. "Do you have time?" He asks. Theodosia swallows slightly. This question is never good.

"Uhh..." Theodosia glances to where Philip was taking a shower, "Sure, is something wrong?" She asks worriedly, sensing his unhappy tone. She sits down at their shared desk and George glances worried over at Theodosia, over his glasses.

He clears his throat. "Uhm... you remember how I still see what you buy with your credit card?" He asks uncomfortablely. Alex gets up from his pillow and taps over to Theodosia. The dog sniffles on her hand, before he softly licks over it and rests his face on her tights.

Theodosia chews on her lip and pets Alex with her free hand.

“Yes." Theodosia's stomach twists. She really didn't remember but she knows where this may be going, "Why do you ask?"

Aaron groans lightly. "You went to the pharmacy yesterday?" He asks and then is quiet for a moment. "Please don't tell me you're pregnant..."

Theodosia shifts, "No! No, I'm not... that's for Frances." She lies, biting her lip, "She forgot her wallet so I just bought something for her. I'm not pregnant, neither is she." She curses herself for being so awkward, while secretly still being angry at her father.

Aaron exhales. "Oh thank god! I nearly got a stroke when I saw that." He says and nods a bit more relaxed. "Okay great. So... no boyfriend either? How are your studies going?"

"No boyfriend." Theodosia affirms and leans back, "Good, they're going great. How are you then?”

“It’s going fine. We try to pass a bill on gun control, but that’s not going so well.” He says exhausted. Theodosia whines softly and nods her head.

“Keep up the work. It will work one day.” She affirms her father and he smiles softly. “Thanks ‘Dosia- are you coming down for Thanks-Giving?” Aaron asks, while Alex curls together at Theodosias feet and whines, begging for some food. Theodosia really hopes her father isn’t hearing anything.

The water in the bathroom stops and Theodosia sucks in breath.

"Yes, I miss you both. I'll see you soon." Theodosia says fast, "and don't overwork yourself okay? I hope you take regular breaks." She remarks adamantly and Philip comes out of the bathroom. “Of course I do.”

“Perfect uhm- papa, I gotta go. Love you.” Theodosia says quick and hangs up. 

Philip raises an amused brow. He wears sweatpants and no shirt. His blonde curls are wet and long. Theodosia looks hesitating at the tattoo on his chest. There is some quote in cursive over his collar bone, and some golden ring around his bizeps. He looks damn fine.

"That was my dad, he was worried I was pregnant. How was your shower?" She asks, in a panicked voice. Georgie snorts and Philip grins. "He heard of Peter? Ouch." He says and starts to make coffee and put plates onto the table. "My shower was great. I had a lot of space, but it was sooo lonely." He says dramatic .  Theodosia blinks surprised.

“You heard of Peter?” She asks baffled. Philip goes to make coffee. “Sure, this is College. And I love gossip.”

Theodosia rolls her eyes. What the hell is she supposed to say to that? They sit down to have breakfast, which is good because Theodosia is starving and Philip is always hungry. He brought some croissants along, which he shares with Georgie.

"My dad wants me to come down for Thanksgiving break." She announces, "Are you two doing anything for that?"

“Yep. We drive down too. Misses Martha invited us for coffee, and I think we will go to some political party again- who again?” Georgie asks and Philip puts coffee into his mug. “Obamas I think. Daddy got invited, so yours too I guess.”

"I can drive us all. It would be cheaper." Philip says and gulps more food down. "That sounds good." Theodosia says with a smile, sipping her coffee, "I wonder if I should tell my dad about what happened. On one hand I'm an adult, I can do whatever I want, but on the other I don't want him to disown me or anything." She says, taking a bite of her breakfast.

“You shouldn’t tell him, as long as he pays for college. Safer this way.” Philip says absently. "Thats not too stupid. You're still young and not having him pay for college would be awful,"Georgie adds and puts jam on his croissant. 

"Yeah." Theodosia says, "So it'll be back to sneaking around like we used to." She says fondly, smiling down at her coffee.

Philip looks down into his own. "I think so... except you want it different, of course.”

Theodosia only shrugs and finishes her breakfast, "Hopefully I've gotten better at lying and hiding you since then." She jokes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prinz Pi: https://youtu.be/gE94akXDtHM


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I‘d love to write more on this, but I‘m currently at my fathers house without much internet. So I wrote the chapter on my school tablet and hope it uploads right.
> 
> Leave me comments if you like it, my dudes!
> 
> Warning: bad puns, crazy Southerns and too sweet coffee

Chapter 7

_Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exists, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten_

_// Neil Gaiman //_

The rest of October is a cold blurr. Theodosia and Philip go out a lot. They go to the ice hall and skate,or meet for lunch after their morning classes.  
Sometimes George comes along, other times Frances who isn't exactly happy that they are a couple again, but lets herself be convinced that the story about Aaron and the hospital isn't a total lie.  
  
Theodosia stands in the line at Starbucks, types away on her pink mobile, while the two people in front of her order their coffee.  
She looks up, seeing that a girl got in front of her and looks at Theodosia with pouting lips and narrowed eyes. It's a kind of look that gives Theodosia an awful feeling.  
  
"I'm sorry, but the line starts over ther-"  
"I know exactly where the line starts!" The girl screeches and Theodosia looks baffled at the stranger in front of her. She can't remember if they ever met. Did she ever do anything to this girl?  
  
'And you have some nerves, talking to me like this after stealing my boyfriend!" The stranger continues and Theodosia makes wide eyes.  
Is this about Peter? She just stares shocked and guilty.  
  
"If this is about Peter then-"  
"Peter? Did you wreck more then one house of what?" The stranger asks. Some customers shift uncomfortably around and the baristas look unsure of what to do. Theodosia is taken aback by her rudeness.  
  
"I am talking about Philip! And if you want any good for yourself you'll stay away from him!"  
  
Oh. So this is what this is about. She presses her lips together.  
"That's not going to happen- did you daze him or something?" Theodosia asks and stands her ground. Her cheeks burn in embarrassment, since the girl is really causing a scene.  
  
"You will do as I say cunt!" The girl screams in response and before Theodosia can open her mouth again, a load of hot coffee lands in her face.  
  
Theodosia screams in pain, as some people grab the strange girl and drag her out of the coffee.  
Theos eyes can't focus and the skin seems to boil. Someone brings cold water to help her with the burns, but that doesn't stop the tears run.  
  
How could this happen? Philip had no girlfriend. That's what he told Theodosia. So who is this? And how did she end up with a burning face?  
  
"Hey are you okay?" Some barista asks, who knees next to Theodosia and taps her face softly with a cold piece of cloth. Theodosia shakes, but nods with a sniffle.  
  
"Yeah- I think so," she says, calming down.  
The man helps her up onto her feet and gives her the drinks on the house, while Theodosia looks frustrated and in pain at her ruined shirt. At least the coffee wasn't boiling anymore.  
  
  
Philip sits on the chair. His shirt is abandoned on the floor, his head leaned over and Susan behind him with a scissor.  
  
"Make it really short in the back please," Philip mumbles and Susan grins.  
"Don't worry about it darlin'. It's not the first time I cut hair," Susan grins and camps her hand through Philips blond, wet curls. Philip huffs. "But it's the first time you cut mine."  
  
"Stop being such and Edgar Allan Hoe Philip," Susan deadpans and Philip grins amused. George just rolls his eyes and turns a page in his book.  
"Stop insulting him. He's my Edgar Allan Bro." George adds.  
  
Susan takes the first felted curl and cuts right through it. The golden haie lands on the floor and Philip exhales loudly.  
"If you destroy my beauty-"  
"You had no haircut in over a year. So you will hold your voice now Edgar Allan Low," Susan says and continues to cut the hair.  
  
In this moment Theodosia opens the door and comes inside, her face still sad and on the brink of tears.  
George lets his book down at stares at her for a moment.  
  
"Merde- what happened, Theodosia?" He asks and gets up to hug her. Susan let's down the scissor and Philip looks surprised over.  
"Just met one of Philips' friends." She mumbles and folds the arms in front of her chest, looking down.  
  
"Whom?" Philip asks and gets up. He shoves George to the side, who only grins at the movement. Philip lays his hands onto Theodosias shoulders, who just keeps staring at her feet.  
  
"She said you're her boyfriend and that I'm a homewrecker," Theodosia sniffles and Philip looks totally baffled at her, before glancing helplessly at Susan. The girl hushes Philip to the side.  
  
"Well, Philip might be a slut-"  
"Hey!"  
"But he is also not a liar. And you're not a homewrecker. But everyone got a crazy ex. Even I." Susan continues and a small smile pecks on Theodosias lips. She huffs.  
  
"Yeah but who is she?" She asks and then glances at Philip. "And why did I never hear of her before, Philip Hamilton?!"  
  
Philip makes a face. "Well, how was I supposed to know she's gonna attack you? I guess it's Polly." Philip raises a brow, and George nods.  
"Do you have another psychotic ex that likes to give others second grade burns?" George asks. Philip pouts and Theodosia actually chuckels.  
  
"You two are the worst…" she mumbles and gazes downwards. Alex licks over the back of her hand, his fur gray and eyes soft as always. She smiles and knees down to pet his side.  
  
"You're the only boy worth loving, aren't you?" Theodosia coos and Philip pouts, while George only giggles.  
"You aren't jealous because I kissed her. Don't start this sensibility now." George teases and Philip sticks his tongue out.  
  
"I know you won't kiss her again." Philip says and Theodosia looks up from scratching Alex. "Oh? I won't do it again either." She grins with a wink.  
  
"Good to hear me and Angie aren't the only best friends making out." Susan says and Theodosia snorts out.  
"I thought you're roommates?"  
  
George snorts. "People are gay, Theodosia


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I am back with another chapter and hope you‘ll all enjoy it!  
> Leave some comments y‘all

Chapter 8

_Have I gone mad? I‘m afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usually are_

_// Alice in Wonderland //_

George was right of course. When the Hamiltons are invited, just like the Lafayettes and Washingtons, the Burrs get an invitation as well. And if you're a man that runs for Senate again, you have to go.  
  
Theodosia strolls through the people in suits and dresses, and keeps her eyes open for a familiar face. She abandoned her father a few minutes ago.  
Theo tries to act nice, as if she didn't know what he did to Philip, but it's hard to speak with him. She is hurt. Of course she is, who wouldn't be?  
  
"Hey Theodosia!" Someone whistles and Theodosia turns around. She exhales and walks fast over to Susan, who has her red dyed hair pulled up into fine braids, and wears a black dress. She is definitely the most extraordinary looking person in the political party.  
  
"Susan! What are you doing here?" Theodosia asks and stops in front of the small table, she is sitting at.  
Angie sits next to her and sucks on a straw.  
  
"I am Angies plus one. And those shoes kill me!" Susan says dramatic and grins. She points at the free stool and Theodosia lets herself down on it.  
"Understandable. Never wear pumps if you have to stay somewhere long," Theodosia says and grins.  
  
She likes Susan. It's easy to talk with her, and Theodosia gets why she is so close with Philip.  
"So do you have fun?" Angie deadpans and throws her dark locks back. She isn't looking like she does.  
  
"Not yet. I wish I could just go home again, and have a real christmas. You know, with tree and gifts and sweet tea," Theodosia says and sighs. Angie's lips peck.  
"You can have fun here too. We play Fuck Marry Kill." Angie says and Theodosia looks surprised around.  
  
"Come on, your turn. Mister Hamilton, Mister Jefferson and the Marquis." Susan says. Theodosia huffs. "No way." She mumbles, feels her cheeks heat up.  
  
Theodosia opens her lips softly when she sees Philip in his suit. He stands close with Martha Washington, both speaking with a dimmed voice.  
Theo is surprised that they are still speaking. She assumed the woman would be angry at him, for not attending the funeral.  
  
"Stop the eyefucking," Angie says and Susan giggles brightly. "Yeah. Before you drool."  
Theodosia pouts, but Angie is already getting up. "I wanna dance!"  
  
And before she knows it, the girls have disappeared between the guests. She sighs and takes Susans glass, which she left. Theodosia sips on it and then coughs. Who the hell gave her alcohol?  
  
She gets frustrated up to search for her father again, but gets distracted by George.  
  
"Miss Theodosia!" He calls out and lays an arm around her waist. Theodosia grins and hugs him. "Georgie! How's it going?" She asks excitedly. She is always happy to see Georgie, which isn't unusual. He is always positive, and the kind of friend everyone can need.  
  
"C'est bonne. But Philip just waits to leave. He cried the half day after we met Misses Martha," George says, but sounds teasing about it.  
"Oh no. Shouldn't you cheer him up?" Theodosia asks. George shakes his head. "My free even-" he cuts himself off and stares into the distance.  
  
Theodosia raises her brows and follows his eyes, until they stay at her father and-  
"Peter?" She whispers and stares with wide eyes back at the French. "What the hell is he doing here?!"  
"I'd say he's here with Monsieur Jefferson. His papa."  
  
Theodosias heart skips a beat, when her father makes sudden eye contact with her.  
"What are they talking about?" She asks in a dimmed voice.  
"Probably nothing good." George mutters and Theodosia balls her hands to fists.  
  
"I want to go home," she finally mumbles and gazes down. George lays a hand onto her shoulder. "Do you want me to drive you?" He offers.  
Theodosia sees her father turn her back on her, and then slowly shakes her head.  
  
"No but- can we go outside a bit? Please?" She mumbles. George nods and already wants to walk out to the small backyard, when Aaron walks fast over and lays his hand onto Theodosias shoulder.  
  
"We need to talk."  
Okay. Fuck.  
  
  
Hard to say how Aaron even found the small room, but it's stuffy. Peter stands next to the door, his arms fold as he watches Philip step inside, being more or less pulled by his father.  
  
"What the hell is up?" Philip asks as he pulls the door closed behind him.  
"What do you think hu?" Aaron asks and suddenly takes two big steps towards Philip. The boy makes wide eyes and steps backwards.  
  
"We had a deal-"  
"Papa!" Theodosia says and tries to step between them. Alexander grabs Aaron by the arm and pulls him away. "How do you think you are talking to my son hu?" The Secretary asks.  
  
"I will talk to him as I please, as long as he acts immature and can't listen to the easy job of staying away from my daughter!" Aaron says, as the grown men yell at each other now.  
Philip turns towards Peter. "What the fuck have you done?" He asks.  
  
Peter grins amuses. "Just told him you're with his daughter. And that you suck dick. Sissy."  
Alexander shuts his mouth and gawks at the boys. Theodosia whines at the insult, even tho it isn't aimed at her.  
  
"At least I'm not a cheater you piece of shit!" He stands his ground.  
"Oh right. But I don't get myself a girl just so people forget you're a fruity in reality!"  
  
Their rant is interrupted by Aaron again. "How could you lie to me like this?!"  
"How could you! I felt like shit because of you! I thought nobody is going to love me just because you think you have any saying in who I'm gonna be with! Why don't you go back into the 18th century where you obviously belong?!" Theodosia screams.  
  
Aaron is taken aback by her outburst, while Alexander just gawks at Philip. The Senator clenches his jaw.  
"Oh right? Do whatever you want, if you are so smart, Theodosia Burr junior!"  
And with that he is out and slams the door shut. Theodosia whines at the sound of it. Her eyes begin to water and she rushes after him, not believing he is really leaving her.  
  
Peter chuckles low, and Philio groans angry, before running after her.  
"Teddy wait!" He calls.  
Alexander still stands there with half opened mouth. What the hell?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sick once again, but kind of fine at the moment, so I found time to write the new chapter. What are your thoughts about it?

Chapter 9

“You love me. Real or not real?"  
I tell him, "Real.”

// The Hungergames //

"Hey he'll calm down," Philip assures Theodosia, even though his voice is small and unsure himself. They stand on the steps outside the red brick house and watch the black mercedes drive away into the night.

Theodosia shakes her head, tears swelling in her brown eyes. "He never just left me somewhere!" She cries out and turns towards Philip, who looks guilty and then down.

"How could he do that to me? I am my own person! I am not just his daughter, and can choose for myself!" She says loudly and stomps down the icy stairs. Philip hesitates and follows.

"I know. You are much more, but he is worried and-" Philip cuts himself off, as they stop in front of his dented car.

"Let us just drive home. I hate DC!" Theodosia says and Philip unlocks the door with a sigh. He opens it for Theodosia,. They are both freezing.

"I know what you mean," he assures her and gets into the driver's seat. Philip feels useless. He should help her with this, and not stand there like an idiot.

Theodosia leans her head against the frozen window, buckles the seatbelt and closes her eyes.

She recognizes the words.  _ I am more than a legacy _ . That's what Philip said nearly two years ago, in a cheap Diner, while Susan threw fries at Georgie. And it feels like it was just yesterday.

“Is that how you feel all the time?” She asks, as Philip starts the engine. He hums. “Like what?” He asks. Theodosia binks over at her boyfriend. His face is hardly illuminated by the yellow headlights of the ford.

“Used.” Theodosia says. Philip shakes his head, the blond curls framing his face, and she closes her eyes again. The boy drives onto the street.

“No,” he mumbles. When Theodosia doesn’t answer, he adds: “I feel more useless. Like I can’t live up to the expectations set for me, even if I tried.”

“But we’re more than a legacy,” Theodosia says. Her voice is husky and small. Philip nods. “That we are.”

“Why can’t he just accept that? Your parents don’t seem to have a problem with this at all!” Theodosia bursts out. She tries to wipe the tears from her face. Philip thinks seriously.

“It’s different for you. I got seven siblings, Theodosia. Seven. When I fuck up, there are still seven others my parents can be proud of. And my parents have each other. My mother has her siblings.”

Theodosia falls silent and looks out of the window. She realizes what Philip tries to say: that her father is probably lonely, while Philip's home is so full it's hard to get any attention at all. It both sucks.

The houses pass by and she wraps the arms around herself, freezing. Philip leans forward and puts the heater on.

“Which doesn’t mean he is doing the right thing. Because he isn’t.” Philip adds. Theodosia hums. “I know-” she says and sits up, confused when Philip parks the car in front of his parents house. She sniffles and looks at the dark building.

“We can drive tomorrow. Let’s get into bed?” Philip says. Theodosia sighs, knowing that Philip is right. They also have to take Georgie with them, later.

She recognizes also that Philip is just as exhausted as she is herself. Of course he is, he met with Martha Washington, she remembers. His day has to be at least as bad as hers.

“I am sorry. For what Peter said about you, because it’s not-”

“It’s fine,” Philip interrupts suddenly. Theodosia wrinkles her forehead, as Philip opens the front gate to let them in.

“It’s too late now anyway. My father looked like an idiot. And Peter is an asshole. That’s just something we have to deal with.” Philip sounds bitter, as they step into the warm house. Alex runs right to them and jumps up on Philips legs. The boy smiles softly and pets the dogs head softly. “Yeah, good boy. Shouldn’t you be asleep sweety?” Philip cooes tiredly.

"Yes but you are- I mean- did this ever happen before?" Theodosia asks unsure. They never talked about this, because Philip always seems like he doesn't want to.

"With him? All the time. But he's a cheater. I'm not."

Theodosia nods unsure, and follows him downstairs into the guestroom, where his suitcase lays next to the bed. 

She wonders if he really thinks that. "I thought we said no more lying to each other?" She mumbles.

Philip sits down on the bed and groans. "It sucks okay? And it hurts. But I am me, I've always been like this. Why should I be ashamed of who I like? That doesn't make any sense, because I couldn't change it if I wanted to."

Theodosia sits down next to him and takes his hand. "What he said wasn't true. You know that. And I don't think any less of you."

A small smile pecks on Philips lips. He squeezes Theodosias hand. "Thank you princesse," he says and kisses her knuckles.

Theodosia only nods with a small grin, and gets out of her shoes. Philip does the same. She gets into her underwear and crawls under the thick blanket.

She slept at Philips dorm enough times now, to be comfortable about it. And when Philip lays down next to her, she wraps her arms around his body tightly.

"Did you tell your family about us?" Theodosia mumbles against his shoulder. Philip scoffs. "So my dad can tell the whole press? Nop, I haven't."

Theodosia giggles, as Philip falls into a deep voice to imitate a reporter.

"Extra news! Extra news! Aaron Burr blackmails a local artist for looking at his daughter!" 

She bursts out laughing and buries her face on his shoulder.

"You're such a dork," Theodosia says. Philip smirks. "I am your dork."

Their giggling dies down, and Theodosia traces softly her fingers along the boy's rips. Philip shudders. 

"All mine?" She asks softly. Philip starts to kiss along her jaw and hums. "Only yours. Forever. And Always." He promises. Theodosia sighs and lets her eyes fall shut.

"Philip?" 

"Hm?" He noses along her jaw, while he puts sweet kisses all over her neck. 

"I- I want you," she mumbles. 

Philip furrows his brows and pulls his head a bit back to look at Theodosia. "You do?"

Theodosia feels her cheeks burn and looks away. "I know it's nothing big for you, but it's for me and I really trust you and I just want to-" she cuts herself off, recognizing that she babbles. "I want to give this to you." 

Philip leans back in the pillow. "I know it is to you, that's why- I just- don't want you to do anything because you think you owe it."

"I don't. I want this," Theodosia says, probably sounding more confident than she actually is.

"Okay- that's… good then," Philip says and bites his lower lip. They glance at each other for an awkward moment, before they both giggle unsure.

"Yeah I guess so-" she says and grins sheepish. 


End file.
